the witch is in a bitch

so there you go again, you say

I have quite a few rants pertaining to witchcraft, it seems. Might as well put 'em all here. Some are short, some are longer, all will probably nark someone off, somehow. Sigh. Don't take anything I moan about too personally; I'm just some girl on the Wired at the end of the day, really.

Piss Off, Karen Kay

Someone who will remain nameless recommended I read the works of "Karen Kay, the Fairy Whisperer®", and in lieu of having an aneurysm...let me say one thing: if you are an adult and believe one thing that comes out of that woman's mouth, or follow even one of her rituals, you deserve everything the good folk will throw at you. You cannot willingly be that stupid or naive, surely.

But, if you are a beginning pagan/witch or just a child...oh, honey. I don't want to be harsh, but nor do I want to baby anyone; it won't help doing so at all. I think being harsh is the only way to accurately communicate the danger in offending the fae, so here's gloves off -- for your sake, and with concern and love:

The good folk are not polite, docile, idiotic herd animals that will come at your beck and call. They certainly aren't to be "whispered" to -- they're highly intelligent, highly cunning (yes, even the Seelie ones...if not especially so, in some cases), wholly sentient beings. Also? If they don't want to work with you? They don't have to. And no begging in purple ink and florid prose will help.

The fae, like mortals, have free will. Also like any mortal, if you keep bugging them when they have made it abundantly clear to anyone with adequate skills to realise that no, they're not in the mood: they won't hesitate to scream at you to fuck off right into your face, magically and energetically. Again: they will not be soothed by lacy stationery. Again: no, not even the Seelie folk.

You can certainly ask them. But because they are actual living beings, you need to understand that they aren't bound to your demands, no matter how much fluffy Ren faire tat you wear or own while chanting. If humans are the universe made conscious, fae are the heart of nature made conscious. They deserve your respect, especially if you're asking them to do something for you.

If these stupid Boomer airheads would just cover, fuck, I don't know, basic energetic protection for beginner magical folk, I'd lay off them and their shyte, fluffy pink sparkly rhetoric. It would be harmless. But as it's presented, it's not. The fae should not be approached lightly -- even the most seasoned and faerie-beloved magic worker will tell you that. Put on your seatbelt before you start driving. These capitalism-brained twits like Karen Kay don't give a shit. They don't give a shit about you, they don't give a shit about the fae. They don't give a shit about anything as long as they can register their trademarks and cash in. (I doubt they actually believe in the fae, really.) The thought of their types being undoubtedly what beginners will first stumble across, because marketing always roars the loudest, honestly horrifies me. It's astonishingly irresponsible and callous.

You can have amazing, warm, and rewarding relationships with the fae. I'll never say they're easy to work with, because they never are -- but they can be fascinating and fun. They also tend to resonate highly with those who want to work with them, nine times out of ten. But they are wild, and they are not like us. Always protect yourself and your house first. No ifs, ands, or buts. Many fae will respect a practitioner they can't poke holes into more than one who they can sneak some mischief onto!

Telling those who don't know better to just go forth and do it, la la la, faeries are all above love and sparkles, is the magical equivalent of telling kids to go on, take a selfie with that bear. It's friend-shaped, it won't hurt you! Bear attacks are super rare and you'll look sooo ~*~wylde aesthetic~*~. And I'm sorry, but any seasoned magical worker worth their fucking salt will tell you the same thing. Karen Kay and all her friends at Hay House, however, never will.

Real Witches Own Stuff?

It absolutely breaks my heart when I hear beginner witches, especially those with no disposable income, say "I can't be a witch because I can't afford [X], [Y], or [Z]--"

Hush, lovely. Yes, you can. You have everything you need to become a witch already in you -- it's your mind. That is literally the only thing you need, I promise you right now. Hand on my heart.

Are embroidered altar cloths and fancy incense nice to have? Hell yes! Having stuff can be nice! Are they remotely vital? Not at all!

All you need to visualise or to raise power is your mind. Even if you can't do either of these things, yet -- you're still a witch. If you have the intention to learn how, you're already a witch. If you don't want to or can't be bothered or don't believe in "that stuff", ONLY THEN you're not a witch -- you're just cosplaying one.

For crying out loud, my first athame when I was 15 was a butter knife. I shit you not. Hell, my current athame is a catfish bone I found while idly beachcombing!

Being a witch isn't what you have, it's what you DO. You and you alone are all you need to make magic. It's definitely nice to have pretty and useful things, and I won't BS you and tell you that sometimes they can make your practise easier -- but don't be discouraged if you can't have them. They aren't vital. In fact, I would even say that learning witchery WITHOUT any tools at first would probably give you a leg up in the grand scheme of things; one tool you will ALWAYS incorporate in EVERYTHING you do as a witch is your mind. If you hone your skills with that first, you're laughing all the way to the occult shop.

And I'll let you in on a secret: the smallest, wildest-eyed child who imagines that a clearing in the trees is their palace and that rainwater mixed with flower petals and wild berries is a magic potion is creating far, far more powerful and sincere magic than someone showing off a $400 carved selenite athame on TikTok.

Commercially Yours

I read somewhere on the hellscape that is social media that "[p]eople complain about the commercialization of occult practices .... but for much of history, these studies were behind a paywall."

And, uh. What? Seriously?

Commercialisation of occult practises definitely does not eliminate the paywall. If anything, it erects more of them. Commercialisation also coughs up cheap and dangerous pseudo-information; see my previous rant on Karen Kay and her ilk.

If you are a magical person of any stripe and are PRO commercialisation, pro capitalism, I am side-eying you really, really hard. Normalisation is what's good -- I'm all for normalisation, which is why at the end of the day, I don't think "witchy" being a sort of goth sub-aesthetic is really that bad a thing. Commercialisation, however, ain't. That shower of shyte can go straight to hell.